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trip49009

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An Uprising [May. 27th, 2006|03:40 am]
trip49009
[Current Location |Cloud 9]
[Current Mood |anxiousanxious]
[Current Music |Flyleaf]

Its meghan's birthday tomorrow, she's spending the night qt my moms new house (and gets to sleep with me)... Im so ecited... My mom really like her and so does Steve...Its amazing how much I luv her already...Libbi is so fucked up, and fucking psycho(ok lets delete all the music off his laptop but HIM, and put 7 songs at the begining that she kneww would make me think of her) ... she still has her ways to drive the dagger deeper... I love how she acts like everything is ok, like it does kill her inside, like she doesnt miss me, she is a great actress, class act. She never seizes to amaze me. Never... She's still playing the same old games, I can no longer love her, the libbi I loved is lost... Forever... And I think thats what hurts the most...The fact that she made that last mistake, that slip me apart...She knows... I wish it could have worked but it wont and its time to face it... I hope one day we can be happy... Intell that I will live lif to the fullest, and love the same...And keep giving 110%... To show you that I can do it... I wont stop... One day I will be thanking you for feuling the fire...That all your doing...so keep playing your ridiculas games... I thought you where so much more...Every person diserves a legacy... Few earn it...
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Dieing from the inside out... [May. 13th, 2006|02:03 pm]
trip49009
well im glad I have a job, except it is really really really lonley out there in paw paw, I see meghan, and lennon/lindsey, every once and awhile... IM making money now atleast... I think its funny how libbi tryed to talk down to me about working at felpuasch...when she works and Mcdonalds, o wow so much better... I work with nice ppl, and actually get hours, and dont have my managers degrading me and just fuckin letting it happen... I like how libbi likes to put little things in her LJ, jut to turn that dagger, thats stuck in my heart, but whatever...I hope she's happy, I hope she can move on, and I hope that one day we can actually talk. but I dont know... It seems like I've lost all the frds I had that are remotely linked to her, maybe I never really had them in the first place. All i know is lennon's the only guy frd I ever talk to anymore, and I barely talk to him, he's a busy man now-a-days. I've been writting ALOT of songs, and singing ALOT to myself. My new room is in the basement, and I spend alot of my freetime, writting song and burning nagchampa. Its a little different being so independant, but I dont mind, I find was to kill loneliness(sp). Things will get better, meghan is getting her car, so we can see each other more, and we both have money, so we'll be fine... My Mom really likes her, Steve too, and dont know about my dad... All I know is my life is completely flipped upside down... But it will all make sense some day...
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DETERMINE [Apr. 24th, 2006|01:21 pm]
trip49009
[Current Location |SKSK- The City SLeeps In FLames]
[Current Mood |determineddetermined]
[Current Music |SKSK- The City SLeeps In FLames]

AS I listen to SKSK, and think about her, I get this feeling of determination, that one day I will show her who I can be, and it will blow her away... Smirk falls across my face... Becuase I know I can do it... I havent told anyone this, execpt for meghan, but I was reading Henry Rollins, Get in the van, and I want the life they lead. In the book he explains, how they never knew when they'd eat, or where they'd sleep. Then he talks about the shows and how amazing they where... I want that, most ppl, that would be the last way they want to live, I want to sacrifice for something I love...Music, playing music... I would give anything to live that life... Its all I think about, I know I have to get a job save up money, and use my creative energy to but I band together that will blow everyone away... I know lennons good, really really good, And I know I can sing really good, my voice will only get better with age, if we fill the other spots right, it could be fuckin magic... I can make it on my own, I know I can, and Im ready to show the world... All of you who doubt me, keep thinking that, and thats all I have to say... Becuase its you, who give me the energy to move on.
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(no subject) [Apr. 21st, 2006|11:40 am]
trip49009
I miss you more than ever, baby... I can't stop thinking about you... today it hit me, how much I love you, and miss you. How much you mean to me, I dont care about anything else, I just want us to be happy, together. I will make this fuckin realationship work, if its the last thing I do, you are my everything, my life, my world, And I love you....

you've made me see, who I can be,
and who I need, here next to me,
You've open eyes, and made me cry,
you broke me down inside, I dont want to die,
wont you just save me, Im tired of maybe,

you give me a reason to live,
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I will except my FATE [Apr. 21st, 2006|09:59 am]
trip49009
[Current Location |lost]
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]
[Current Music |Incubus- I miss you]

Libbi the pills, I can't explian that to you, cus I honestly don't know why I did it. I do know however, that Anna told meghan, that it seems like your moving on... And that was on my mind, and maybe the hurt pierced my heart. And maybe that was my quick fix, did it make me happy? Yes it did very happy, but thats not the point... The point is it was retarted, I was so "fucked up" I could'nt even talk to you(and that should be all I have to say, that hurts enough right there,) and that should never be the case, ever. I felt so bad, all I wanted was the trip to be over, I wanted to talk to you and I was tripping to hard to even do that. And I know that didnt help us out at all, also I know Im not doing it agian. I didnt care that I wasnt talking to you, and I knew it was wrong I just couldnt distinguse right from wrong, *shakes head, in disaproval* I was to fucked up. You know Ive been doin good. Really good, but Im still hurting, and its hard becuase I feel like I'm doing better than ever before, and yet Im hurting like never before... it just wont come out, im to stuck on changing for you, I have supressed my feelings to well, I want to cry, but I can't. This is killing me inside, its like a slow moving poison, eating away at me. Baby, you want to know what I have been fishing for, and Ive finally figured it out, its not why you love me, well it is but. I juat want to know what you see in me... Is there more to me than, a pretty face, nice body, and pony(lol)... I dont know what you see in me, becuase the last thing your wrote about me was that Xanga post, about how Im fuckin up, and your not happy, what do I have to go by, I know you love me, but I dotn see why, all I ever see is how I hurt you. why would you want to be with that, you know, thats what goes through my head. I know you love me more than anything, and all the things that go along with that. I cant stand to think about you with brandon, or kyle, or anyone, it kills me, and to see him make you smile, like you use to smile at me, that sent a dagger into me... And I know Im going to want to know if you had sex with anyone, and I know it will kill me to hear that you did... Baby, I lost you after the thing with adam happened, and its never really been the same sense... I want my libbi back, the one that could talk to me like there was no one else in there world, cus there isnt to her. I want to hold you like it was our last sec together, like I always do, I want to be there to see you struggle and overcome hardships in life, and be there to say "Im so proud of you baby..." I want to come to your house, and be nervious becuase Im wondering what 21 questions your mother will give me next, and indureing it all just to spend time together...I miss you, and everything about you... Most of all you know what I miss is listening to the rain...I use to be able to listen to the rain and drift off and think about you, know all it does is hurt... so if it really is over, then Im am truthfully sorry for hurting you, and I love you with all my heart. I always will, no matter what...
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(no subject) [Apr. 19th, 2006|12:27 pm]
trip49009
[Current Location |LIFE]
[Current Mood |confusedconfused]
[Current Music |Fort Minor_ Where'd you go]

Where'd You Go?"

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
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(no subject) [Apr. 19th, 2006|12:21 pm]
trip49009
[Current Location |LIFE]
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]
[Current Music |scary kids]

I dont know what is going on, I want us to work, Libbi and I, but, its like everything is stacked against me... "Very eventful weekend" < somthing Im scared to even ask about, and I really should'nt, becuase Im tired of hurting, and I wont do it anymore... I miss her so much, and she says she misses me, I guess we'll find out... I just want us to be happy, we or without eachother, hopefully with, but it doesnt look good, and that hurts more than anything.
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can we even last through the night? [Apr. 17th, 2006|08:26 pm]
trip49009
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]
[Current Music |SCAry KIDS]

SCARY KIDS SCARING KIDS LYRICS

"The City Sleeps In Flames"

The empire will fall like they planned on
can we even last through the night?
We watch as the sky scrapers crumble
under the burning blue sky,
THAT BLINDS OUR EYES!

THIS IS OUR LAST CHANCE,
to make things right
OR WE'RE LOST FOREVER
tonight, tonight, tonight, TONIGHT

Well try to find a place to sleep,
its going on days, THAT WE'VE BEEN AWAKE
A sadness that I've never seen
I said your name, and you, looked the other way

Because these are my last words
and this is my last breath
I'd give you everything
If there was something left
I have nothing left to prove
and I will live with my regrets
I'd give you everything
If there was something LEFT!

The disconnecting count of days
of fading away, the lives that we made
Tear drops will spill, from your blue eyes
intentions were wrong, I apologize
The empire is falling
like they planned on and we lost it all
The city sleeps in flames

Lost..
Time..
Everything's gonna be fine. Right?
Everything's gonna be fine. Right?
Everything's gonna be fine. RIGHT?
I CAN'T FIND A WAY TO LIVE IN THIS LIFE!

The empire will fall like they planned on
can we even last through the night
we watch as the sky scrapers crumble
under the burning blue sky,
THAT BLINDS OUR EYES!

Because these are my last words
and this is my last breath
I'd give you everything
If there was something left
I have nothing left to prove
and I will live with my regrets
I'd give you everything
If there was something left

Because these are my last words
and this is my last breath
I'd give you everything
but I've got nothing left
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"So would I be out of line, if I said...I MISS YOU..." [Apr. 15th, 2006|11:23 am]
trip49009
Well I miss her, I thought I would do ok, I thought I could hide it, but I can't. Im dieing inside... I didnt know I was but I am... I thought about how it would be to see her again. Im so scared Im going to go somewhere and she her, and it will crush me... like If she was with a guy... Then i thought what it would be like to have her in my arms agian, to walk up to her and hug her, I would BREAK DOWN...I know I would...I'd be cryin like a baby...I listen to can't stop listening to this song... Sigh... I miss you baby...
I Miss You - (2:47)

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real
to know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold utopian dream

You do something to me
that I can't explain
so would I be out of line, if I said
I miss you

I see your picture, I smell your skin on
the empty pillow next to mine
you have only been gone ten days
but already I am wasting away

I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon
but I need you to know that I care
and I miss you
(I miss you)
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Casted out I'm watching your eyes bleed dry [Apr. 13th, 2006|11:48 am]
trip49009
[Current Location |InSANITY]
[Current Music |Flyleaf- cassie]

I can't take this shit...omg...how can my dad already be telling me I'm back to my old ways, he's fucked up, he just fuckin degrades me intell I lose my cool, and fuckin want to rip his head off... And then he goes into of lif is so hard, he doesnt fuckin no I had days where I didnt know if I would eat, even if I didnt eat the day before, not being able to take a shower for days, it was fucked up, and Im straightening up. I quit cigs, Im activly looking for a job, and still it seeing like all eyes are on me, everyones waiting for me to fuck up so they can say "see, I told ya, you can't do it, your back to how you where, your a fuck up, and you like being a fuck up..." My dad thinks I will never reach my potential... MY POTENTIAL...Snicker... I want to go to Kvcc and get a art degree, and get a job, and pay off my tickets, thats my plan as of now. But there is someething calling to me, I really want to make music, its all I think about, starting a band, and touring... I would give anything to have that...and I will keep working towards that, while I get the rest of the shit out of the way. Im tired of kalamazoo, I just want out, Im so tempted to catch the next train to wherever, and never look back. But I couldnt leave her, never It would kill me inside, it already is, but it would be worse. I miss her so much, its really hard to sleep at night, I havent gotten a desent nights sleep since we broke up... Wake up now, its over, just tell me its ok to die...random lyric...I so just want to disappear, leave town, and never tell anyone where I am and start over, start a new life, but I could never do it, I would miss my family to much. I would miss Libbi to much, way too much. I would miss all my friends to. I still wish I could just get away...

Cast It Out"

Casted out I'm watching your eyes
Casting out my visions of nine
Blacking out
Casted out I'm watching your eyes bleed dry

Touch with frustrated lips
Love is like starting over
With every step engraving the problems of memories

Casted out I'm watching your eyes
Casting out my visions of nine
Blacking out
Casted out I'm watching your eyes bleed dry

Drunks on failures regrets
Letters of silence confess burdens within
Speaking as loneliness listens
While hopelessly feeling

Casted out I'm watching your eyes
Casting out my visions of nine
Blacking out
Casted out I'm watching your eyes bleed dry

There's a definite pattern to our behavior
Somehow the end draws us closer

Casting out my visions of nine
Casted out lets ten die with time
Blacking out
Casted out I'm watching your eyes bleed dry

Blacking out
Cast it out
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