?

Log in

My Life...My Story...My Pain [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
trip49009

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Apr. 11th, 2006|08:45 am]
trip49009
[Current Location |Find Me...]
[Current Music |Hatebreed\m/]

I Will Be Heard

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes

I've got to take my life back
One chance to make it right
I've gotta have my voice be heard
And bring meaning to this life

Cause I've trusted for nothing
I've been led astray
I've been tried and tested
But I won't accept defeat
Now I've done things I regret
And its time to reverse the rules
I just want to make good on
All the promises that I have made

I will be
I will be...I will be heard
I will be...I will be heard

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet (I will be heard)
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes (I will be heard)

Through the worst we prevail
So our voices will be heard
Through the worst we prevail
So our voices will be heard
Through the worst we prevail
So our voices will be heard
Through the worst we prevail
So our voices will be

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes

I've got to take my life back
One chance to make it right
I've gotta have my voice be heard
And bring meaning to this life

Cause I've trusted for nothing
I've been led astray
I've been tried and tested
But I won't accept defeat
Now I've done things I regret
And its time to reverse the rules
I just want to make good on
All the promises that I have made

I will be
I will be...I will be heard
I will be...I will be heard

Now is the time for me to rise to my feet (I will be heard)
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes (I will be heard)

I will be
LinkLeave a comment

Now is the time.... [Apr. 11th, 2006|08:35 am]
trip49009
Hey world,

Libbi here's what you've been wwaiting for... Im sure everyone would like to know whow I feel, and how I am realy handling the break up.. Truth is I dont know... Lets start from the beginning...
The night libbi broke up with me I was at a different Squat house, and that night I called her becuase I just wanted to hear her voice, I wasnt ready to hear what was next. She was tired of me wasting my life, she had the wrong vision of my life (like everyone else,) but she was still right about the change I had to make. I sat in that house for three days, smoking and thinking. That's all I did for three days, I got so bad that lennon would have to call me three times just to get my attention. Alot of shit went through my head, and I dont know what happened, but something did. Libbi did the right thing, and I would like to think she did it becuase she loved me enough to risk it all just to change me, but after hearing about brandon it sounds like she had other motives as well. When I found out about her fucking Adam, while him and Meghan where together, I lost all respect for her. All respect, I still love her, dearly, but if she really wants me back she's gunna have to make me want to get back with her. I want to so bad, but I know if I did at this point or anytime in the near future, that it would not be right. I miss everything we had, ofcoarse I'm not stupid, I do miss it, and I miss her love, her voice, her touch, I miss it all. But, right now I dont want it, she needs to prove to me that she's serious about us, b/c as of now she's all talk and no walk. Me, I've already started walking, and Im ready to start running... the most fucked up thing is the break up is hurting her more than its hurting me, only becuase Im takeing the pain, the hurt, and every thought of her and using it...for motivation... to do something with my life... I owe her, and myself atleast that. She really did change my life, and I love her more than I could every express in a lifetime, but I want to see her reach her potential, becuase if she doesnt she will lose me for good...

Baby, Im not going to tell you how to show me your serious, you need to figure that out. I want you to do this on your own, and prove that my love does mean something to you, let it all go for once, live for the love of another person, not for simple satisfactions(sp) of yourself. You stend alot of time on sorrow, spend alot of time on getting rid of it, you have your whole life ahead of you. You have a plan set and everything, you could have your high school sweet heart there by your side, there to help you get through the hard nights when you have to much homework and not enough sleep and just feel like breaking down, when the hard work gets even harder, dont let me get away from you, if your so scared, change it.

to be continued...
Link3 comments|Leave a comment

Dreams of blood on tongues of razors..... [Mar. 29th, 2006|02:07 pm]
trip49009
[Current Mood |predatorypredatory]
[Current Music |Satyricon]

Wow... I guess there is alot of wool over my eyes, and its sad I'm just now figuring it out... Or maybe its not wool, IDK. I know there are alot of things that I dont know about, why, what did I do. I wonder how many I dont know about, I wonder if I will ever know what they say... I dont know if I can do this anymore, I dont know if I want to... do I.... should I.... could I... Idk... Im tired of being left in the dark, but in the same respect its all I know. Its all I've ever seen, and yet I yurn to see more. But some walls built with reinforced cement, and covered with titanium, arent so easy to get through. Why do I try so much, why do I care, wouldnt it just be easier to not care... it feels like everything is slipping away, nothing is forever, no one wants to stay. all I want is to be trusted, and loved as much as I love... To have someone put as much effort into makeing me happy, as I do them... Someone how will let go of all the lil bullshit in life, and love fully, with all the trust and love you have... Then you ask do I already have that, I dont know you see, becuase Im not allowed to ask... Cus the silent one, locked behind her walls... She acts so strong, and sure, she is not, for she still stand behind those walls. The ones I have gained, love, and trust, to get passed. Its like playing a game that goes up to level 10, and your stuck at level 9. I think the hardest part is Im her boy friend, and yet I know the least... thats makes sense... Sure she has told me things that no one else knows, but who knows how many ppl know now... For not having enough energy to live a double life, you sure do have alot to not say...
Link5 comments|Leave a comment

"You stand reborn before us all, so glad to see you well..." [Mar. 26th, 2006|03:22 pm]
trip49009
[Current Mood |calmcalm]
[Current Music |Incubus- "I miss You"]

Its hard in my world, its hard when for some reason you just want to be liked by everyone, and have friends that injoy your company as much as you do. People that you can hold a conversation with about nothing, for hours, and still get meaning out of it all. Its hard when little shit can reach you, and rip you apart, when you should just move on. When you should just say, to yourself, "he doesnt even know you, so don't even listen to his bllshit." But the story changes when people you know, and who are suppose to be your friends, think the same...You try so hard, and get so far, but in the end, it doesnt even matter(random lyric)... Its hard when you want so much attention from one person, who your so in love with, and your constantly trying to get it, when deep down you already know she loves you. Its hard when you past gets in your way everyday, and you have to push it away, and stay strong...And I do, and I have... Libbi has noticed, atleast thats what she told me, she knows Im letting go, and she better. She also, better know that it has not been easy, and it wont be easy. Im willing to try as hard as I have to, to make us work, as long as I can expect the same from her.

She was walking around yesterday without her glasses, I was staring at her, really looking, paying attention to everything, and thinking to myself, "I still can't beleive I'm with her, how can she love me..." Then, later on, we where riding in lennon's car, listening to Incubus...and well... "I miss you," came on. I was holding her, listening to her voice and the lyrics. Its was insane, I was so "in love" that I didnt know what "out of love" looked like.(I promise no joy tears, im not that emo, no shut, quit, don't do this, ok maybe, ok, ok, OK, I did, a lil.... But she was just so damn adorable(hot) and singing to me(melt)) That song is one of my top fav. songs now. So, I have to trust her, she's my baby, my other half, if she does stuff, and keeps it from me, it should eat her alive, not me. She should feel bad, becuase I trust her 100%, and always have. She diserves to be trusted, she has worked for it, she also diserves some other things, which I want to bring her more than anything, and I will... All you who think "Im a bum, or lame, or w/e," you can fuck off, I don't even want to hear it anymore, I work hard to keep myself and Libbi happy, it my not be $$$, but the effort for that is going into fucking full throttle now. I try so hard to do little things to keep her happy, I think the woman needs the happiness in her life, if I can bring it to her, and take away the pain, I will, becuase she goes through so much. It kills me to she her unhappy with me, or unhappy period. I want to be able to provide, and be happy, and still be able to do the stuff i like to do. And still be with the one I love. I want to be able to have a kid later on in life and provide for them both. I can't she any of this happening without Libbi, we are still buidling a relationship, the more we work on it the better off we are tho, and soon one day we will have it all worked out, and understand what each other need, and finally be "Happy." Till that day I shall give it my all...to be continued...Stay strong...
LinkLeave a comment

Footprints in the Sand [Mar. 23rd, 2006|08:22 am]
trip49009
[Current Mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[Current Music |Coheed \m/]

Footprints in the the sand,
Impressions on the mind,
Changing this plan,
But no directon to find,
Becuase no ones ever out ran,
The constant waves in time,
That splash across my heart,
Never to see im blind,
Or obscure and so torn apart,
Is this all its worth,
Is pain my only art,
Before laying under dirt,
Recieving an angel in the dark,
As despair is stripped away,
And she leaves her mark,
I live for today,
Anyone can see Us,
just make them go away,
jealous demons, turning fleash to dust,
But what price do they pay,
Loveing intent indeed I must,
Just to hear an unwritten song,
As a empty tin man begins to rust,
The cure has come, and here its been all along,
You are the one, weither its raven, blue, or blonde,
Weither time takes a toll, and we grow old,
Souls united as they journey on,
Wither your windows reflect the sky, or steely distinction,
You've help me stray from certain instiction,
A lovely latern, burns from his chest,
His love for you,
shall never rest,
When "tea for 2,"
Sounds the best,
Hopeless romantics,
this is our land,
Live free, and proud,
Together as one, together we stand,
Just remember I'll always love you,
This you must understand,
Even when waves of time,
Wash our footprints from the sand...
LinkLeave a comment

ICON IS AWESOME [Mar. 23rd, 2006|08:18 am]
trip49009
check out the new icon woot*@*Woot, I think its fuckin awesome... I can't wait to see my gf today. night night.....mmmmmmm sleep, to bad my wildcat come sleep with me, but we will have out time...
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Mar. 22nd, 2006|12:57 am]
trip49009
[Current Mood |gloomygloomy]

I cant believe what libbi did lastnight, now if I would have done that to her it would be a different story. I wouldnt hear the end. If she really wanted to talk to me I would of stayed up. I cant believe that, it blew my mind thats like fuck you, your not that important to me, how could she do that to me. It was the worst ending to a even worse day. I mean the day went from being a really awesome day to being the worst day I've had in a awhile...I read a few things that one of libbi's frds wrote about me, and it hit every tender spot there was, with one quick swoop, knocked me right on my ass. Then me and collin talked about how no one likes me at the squat house, so all these ppl who are suppose to be my frds are just putting up with me. We where talking about some other things, and I said " I just wish I could talk to libbi right now." So, he asked for her number, I gave it to him, he called, she wasn't there, I told him to call anna cus she was prolly with her...and she was, and they where at the squat houes...GREAT, just perfect...Anna took libbi away to the squat house, she should have told me where she was going, then I could have spent more time with her. I wanted to leave and do something, but I had no phone, no car, and no where to for sure walk to...Then the moment I was waiting for, 10 roles around, and I told collin to call libbi see if she was there, he told me she was going to bed, I said I really wanted to talk to her, and asked her to please stay up and talk to me, she says "fuck that im going to bed," I think why would she be like this, and collin IM's me, "she went to bed." THAT HURT, NOT TWO SECONDS AFTER COLLIN TYPED THAT IN, ANNA GOT HOME, I HELPED HER TAKE SOMETINGS INSIDE, AND THEN TOLD HER WHAT LIBBI SAID, AND TRYED TO CALL, NO ANSWER...
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

I cant breath.... [Mar. 20th, 2006|12:38 pm]
trip49009
Im so fuckin scared right now, the tears wont seise. I read libbi's last journal at the end of it she said "and I think it times for me to break it off.".... I Dont know what to do, I cant lose her, please, not her anythingn else in my life, but dont take her ...
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

LIBBI COME ON [Mar. 20th, 2006|01:06 am]
trip49009
[Current Mood |boredwanting my libbibear]
[Current Music |GONE WITH THE SIN- HIM]

libbi, if I ever, ever, ever hear you say anything about you not being good enough, Im gunna have to show you how good you really are. lol. Baby, you have nothing to worry about. And I do mean nothing, You wanna know why I love you, maybe I have to let it out before you let it out.*long sigh* I may be right about some things and wrong about others just stick with me.
Olivia Anna Murray, I love everything about you, the way you bite you lip, or make that face when you concentrate, the way you look at me when I do something you like, or how you melt in my arms when I kiss you. I love the fact that your so smart all the way around, you know alot about alot of things, and I love it becuase hopefully one day you can teach me, some of them. I think its adorable when you say I love you, and tell me how cute I am, or tell me when I look hot, or do something that hot. I love the way you get so cuddley, and say "mine, all mine." I love the way you act like schools so hard when you can just float through it, and how you act like such a slacker sometimes just to look cool, its so cute. Now I may be wrong about that, but it sure seems to me like you do your homework and stuff and get pretty damn good grades. I love how you can make me feel so special by saying the littlest thing like, "Im proud of you." You light up my world darling, I thought I knew what love was, I was wrong. I didnt know intell I kissed you the first time, I mean really kissed. Its was like everything I have every been threw was finally worth it, like I dont care what happens now I can die I happy man. You lit my would up like the forth of july. I love the way you dance, you like euro-girl, its so cute. I love every kiss, every nussel, every pur, every smile, every wink, everytime we hold hands. We are going to be the old couple you see walking down the street holding hands. As much as that scares me, you think your the only one that it scares your worng. I still want it more than anything. what do we have to be scared of...huh should we be scared to actually be happy, I don think so, we need to let go, and injoy life. It has to be a two-way thing, lets just let go... All it will take is communication, how about this, if you promise to even when you dont feel like talking sometimes to talk about your feels and get them out, I will easyly drop any trust issues. I think its only fair... I want you to talk my fuckin ear off, lol. We use to talk all night, what happened, we use to stay up all night talking about nothing, today I didnt talk to you for more than an hour. I mean think about it if you would just tell me all about your day, or something. I just get scared like something changed, and you can't talk to me anymore. It just needs to happen, when I ask you "Are you sure, tell me" you wonder why I ask so many times, b/c sometimes after asking you a couple times you tell me, either that or you say "Nothing, Im fine..." Baby, Im not stupid sometimes I can just tell when somethings wrong, and other times Im just fussin'. If you dont like something I do, tell me Ill stop.

HOW COULD YOU EVER DOUBT MY LOVE FOR YOU, I DONT KNOW... BUT IF YOU EVER CATCH YOURSELF DOING IT AGIAN JUST THINK, CAPTIVO COME, EVERY SONG I EVER THOUGHT OF WRITTING, I WROTE FOR YOU... AND IF YOU WANT TO HEAR WHY I LOVE YOU JUST ASK BABE, ILL LET YOU KNOW GLADLY.






I would give anything to give libbi the strength to open up to me, Im scared she wont be able to do it... I know my baby, I know she loves me with all her heart, but to hear her open up would be so fuckin great. I have faith tho, like I said I know her, and if she loves me like she says she does, she can do it. I now she can do it, it weither she will or not. thats what Im waiting for. I mean all I really want is her to randomly tell me something SUPER sapy, so I feel all wanted and loved(warm and fussy inside.) Like a sapy letter, or a sapy post(somthing like the begining of this post,) but to hear her actually say it that would blow me away, I would melt into a huge dannnt puddle. lol. She's a doll tho, one of these days, I pray it will happen, and it will knock my sox off. One day. Well im tired sleep time, I wish I could go lay down and have libbi there, she would turn over to face me, slide her leg between mine, and nussel her away intell she got comfortable, that would be HEAVEN. I want my libbibear. POUT, NIGHT EVERYONE, Sleep is GOOD, Sleep is GREAT, I pray tonight, to not die before I WAKE...
Link3 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Mar. 15th, 2006|11:05 pm]
trip49009
[Current Mood |anxiousanxious]
[Current Music |Cradle of Filth]

Im sitting here waiting for libbi to call me, I really want to talk to her about the last entry. I mispelled a word and made it sound like I want libbi to get tired of me, when I was try to say I hope she DOESNT get tired of me. It wasnt meant to be threatening at all, I just wanted to get out how I felt, and like I said to libbi, I trust her fully, I didnt trust my past. If you where paying attention I said I DIDNT. Im done lingering in the past, when I should be happy, and injoy the present, and look forward to the future, or the past might maake it so I dont have a future. That and I shouldnt doubt what we have, some ppl would die to get what we have, and I think we have to always remember that...
LinkLeave a comment

navigation
[ viewing | 10 entries back ]
[ go | earlier/later ]